The Beginning
by Delia Doom
Summary: There are many events that have shaped the life of Dean Winchester,but only 2 that made him who he is; the death of his mother,and the realisation that he will never be anything more than what he is.Set in 1995 a 16 year old dean and a 12 year old sam.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1- leaving again.

Dean woke up, his eyes taking in the dull colours of the tiny apartment in the early morning, not sure what woke him he rolled to his side in an attempt to once again find sleep, only to find he was not alone, someone was sitting on his bed. Startled in his sleepy state he jerked backwards and before he had the sense to stop himself, fell onto the freezing linoleum floor with a thud.

"Dean it's just me!" his dad's deep comforting voice came from the other side of the bed,

"Sonofabitch", dean muttered,

"What was that?" demanded john,

"nothin'", replied dean as he untangled himself from the cotton poly blend sheet that had managed to fasten itself around him as though it were a straight jacket. He emerged from the small space between his bed and Sam's looking dishevelled and tired, his short hair scruffy and sticking in odd directions, pillow creases on his face.

"What's up dad", being just on the verge of seventeen his voice was at that awkward almost there stage, but he was confident it had almost reached full maturity.

"dean we've gotta' book", stated john,

"What leave already?" he glanced over at Sam, who was still sleeping peacefully,

"Dad I don't want to be rude or anything, but, sam's just gotten settled in at school, is there no other way?" dean looked sheepishly at john knowing already that he was going to be rebuffed.

"If there was another way dean, would I be waking you now!?"

"No sir, I'm sorry, I'll wake Sam, we'll be packed in half an hour", john rose from the bed, and said,

"Good boy", as he marched out of the door. Dean turned to Sam cursing himself already for what he was about to do,

"Sam!" he said loudly as he shook his brother, "Sam, wake up", Sam's eyelids rose and he muttered,

" dean, what are you doing, it's really early still!" he rubbed his eyes like a small child, giving dean the insane urge to protect him, drawing a deep breath and putting on his best nonchalant voice he said,

" come on Sammy we gotta' shag ass it outa' here" sams face fell,

"We're leaving already!?" dean could smell the argument brewing,

" yeah sorry Sammy" he turned to the cupboard and pulled out his dads old marine duffle bag that he'd given him the first time they'd had to leave, and chucked it on his bed ,

"Here Sam" he said handing Sam his suitcase,

"Did dad say why we have to leave?" the accusation was thick in Sam's voice,

"No Sam, look please just pack your shit, we don't have time for this" dean tried even though he knew his attempts were going to prove fruitless,

"The hell we don't dean! I wanna' know" he threw the covers of the bed and loped towards the door, only 12 but already taller than his brother , his legs carried him there before dean could reach him.

"Sam!" dean cried out, but Sam was of, and already the sounds of Sam and john yelling were floating through the open doorway. Muttering under his breath dean started packing for himself, and his little brother.

Once finished dean loaded their luggage into the back of his dads '67' impala, a car he had loved since he had known what cars were for. According to what uncle bobby had said, his dad had bought it a long time ago, to impress his mum, Mary, before they were married, dean didn't really remember her as the muscle car type, she seemed like a women that would have been more comfortable in a kombi van, but she had always tolerated it. He sighed secretly wishing she was still here, she would be able to keep Sam in line with naught but a gentle hand on his shoulder, or perhaps if she was here they wouldn't have to leave in the first place.

With a long face he told Mr. Rogers the landlord that they were leaving.

" it's alright lad, you're all paid up so just leave the key on the front desk on your way out" he replied, nodding dean darted up the concrete stairs of the fire escape and into the corridor that lead to their apartment,

"Dad!" he yelled trying to get his attention over the string of insults coming from both participants of the argument.

"What!" barked john at his eldest son,

"We're ready to leave; we just have to leave the key at the front desk". Sam was red faced and angry as a bull, john slightly more contained but yelling at anything that moved,

"Good!" he yelled in the same harsh tone, "end of discussion Samuel, get in the car with your brother, I'll meet you there" he stormed out of the room.

" come on Sammy, when we gotta' go we gotta' go you know the rules" dean said matter 'o' factly,

"Well I'm sick of the rules dean aren't you?" Sam was regaining use of his lungs and had stopped panting in exhaustion,

"Doesn't matter, if dads making us leave it's for a good reason, he's only doing what's best for us" dean said with a hand on his brothers shoulder leading him out of the room and down the hall.

"I'm sick of it dean, I'm twelve, I'm old enough to know what's going on". Sam in the last four months had shot up, it was scary. But, he hadn't evened out at all so he was all arms and legs, his lanky form next to his brothers slightly shorter but muscled in a way that no 16 year old should be body, looked odd, especially since they were still in the clothes they had been sleeping in, Sam in stripy blue pyjama pants and a white v-neck top, and dean in his jeans which he had yanked on when he woke up, and his, almost-too-small-for-him -now led zeppelin top, both barefoot and walking over the wet black top.

"he hasn't told me either Sam" dean clarified," we just gotta' follow his lead is all". They each walked to different sides of their dads car and slid into the back seat,

"Hay dean?" Sam said quietly,

"Yeah?" he looked over at Sam,

"Thanks for packing my stuff, hay" dean nodded,

"No prob man, it's my job right, packin' up after my pain in the ass little brother?"

"Shut up, I'm taller then you jerk!" Sam retaliated playfully smiling broadly,

"Bitch" dean answered; glad in knowing everything was cool with him and Sam.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: hay? Anyone but me see the elephant in the car?

The sign that read, "_you are now leaving Iowa_" and under the state motto, _" our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain",_ slipped past deans eyes, the 150 miles they had already driven from cedar rapids had been painfully quiet and prickling with tension,

"Dad where are we going exactly?" dean figured there wasn't really any harm in that question,

"South Dakota, your gunna' spend some time with uncle bobby boys, only for a few days then I'll look into getting us a place" he looked in the rear-vision mirror at a sulking Sam and a subservient dean, Sam looked up,

"And how long will we stay there dad?" he threw the words at his father like they were daggers and could somehow make john feel some of the pain that he was,

"For as long as I deem fit" john replied calmly,

" Sam" muttered dean, " shut up, we still got 400 odd miles to cover, I don't want you and dad to be at each other's throats the whole time" he looked at Sam then added, " please?" as an afterthought,

"Whatever", Sam grunted in response and went back to his avid sulking.

Why the hell do I always have to be the one begging, dean thought to himself, I manage to do everything that dad tells me to, no questions asked, even though sometimes I freaking want to. Sam looking at dean now could tell something was wrong, his brother on the surface was a simple, typical even, boy of his age, if not slightly more behind his times, most of the boys his age were listening to pathetic wrap or college bands. But dean loved classical rock, and dressed like it to- Sam had try to pull it off once or twice, but it just made him look stupid in his opinion, so he stuck to what he was comfortable in- but Sam knew that under his brothers tough facade was a complex, slightly tormented, twisted boy, acting older than his age to live up to his dads expectations, Sam often had to reminding himself not to be so hard on him, when their mum had died Sam was only a tiny baby, but dean had been old enough to remember.

Afterwards john had fallen off the tracks, it had taken years, but slowly he had stopped being what a dad should be and had started being a protector, a commander. Dean on the other hand had, without being asked, stepped up and filled those shoes. As an eight year old he had fed and clothed his whining four year old brother while john had left to hunt, sure he was there sometimes, but the majority he spent on the job. So maybe three times a month, every month of every year, he would leave them, sometimes for a week, give or take. As they got older, the time got longer, Sam got madder, dean got quieter, until basically every time john was home they would fight.

As time got on Sam realised that when he and his dad didn't fight it was because dean was there, in the middle desperately trying to keep the peace, and although dean had his faults he was the pillar of their tiny, screwed up family unit. Grabbing a piece of paper from the pocket on the back of the chair he scrawled "_at least we're going to uncle bobby's, hay"_, and passed it to dean, whose eyes scrolled through it and nodded, Sam took it back and added with a chuckle to himself "_maybe he'll make us pasta el bobby again",_ and slipped it back, finally dean cracked a smile,

"Hay Sam, rock paper scissors?" he asked, holding out his hand in a fist which was resting in the palm of his left hand,

"Okay, rules?" he asked apprehensively knowing deans rules always hurt, with an evil grin dean replied,

"Best out of three, loser gets a punch" Sam groaned but held out his fist cupped in his other hand like deans, as in agreement,

"1, 2, 3" dean with scissors, Sam with paper, dean cut through sam's fingers,

"Best out of three" Sam reminded him,

"Yeah I know!" dean pulled his hand back and readied himself for the next assault,

"1, 2, 3" dean with scissors, Sam with paper,

"ok dude, that depressing" commented dean," there's no way you can win, I get my punch" gritting his teeth Sam gestured to his right arm, the arm facing dean, with an evil grin dean wacked him hard, but not hard enough to seriously hurt him,

"Alright! Round two" exclaimed a now determined Sam.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- you're getting old uncle bobby

By the time they reached bobby's house, a ramshackle two storey in the middle of a junk yard, sam had well and truly foiled deans plot, he always played scissors, it was like he thought that if he did it once, or twice, or forty times, sam wouldn't think that he would try it again, it took sam a bit, but after a while of mixing it up he stuck with rock and pounded dean every time. But dean stubborn and tolerant to pain as he is, kept it up all day and now had a giant bruise and several ruptured cappilleries. Bobby was there to meet them on the front step, his dog Rumsfeld sitting obediently by his side, not a beat got by that man, he must have heard their car coming down the road.

"john" he greeted him smiling as he walked to the car that the Winchesters were now unpacking,

"here, let me help" he said as he lifted two bags from the dirty stone drive way and hoisted them up the stairs that constently looked as though they were going to brake but always seemed to hold, and through the front door into the comforting familiar house, dean carrying his bag with his right arm followed soon after with sam close on his trail, john, having nothing to carry let the boys in first before he made his entrance.

"now you boys" bobby said looking at sam and dean, "upstairs, the spare room on the left, you know the one?" dean raised an eyebrow,

"of course we do bobby" he said shaking his head "we have been here before" , sam chucled,

" i think your getting old uncle bobby?" sam leaned forwards and out a hand on bobby's shoulder in mock comfort ,

" argh, get away with yah'" he said brushing of sam's hand ,

"ok" sam answered sarcastically, and started dragging his bag half heartedly up the stairs,

"you know bobby, sam might be right, we'll have to test you!" dean quickly jabbed bobby in the stomach and ducked under his arm only to find his hands held behind his back in bobby's iron grip,

" okay! Maybe sam was wrong, let me go!" he exclaimed laughing none the less, even john cracked a smile, but only for a second,

"go upstairs and unpack" he reprimanded, as bobby released dean,

"yes sir" answered dean, and hitched his bag up his shoulder and jogged upstairs, as he rounded the corner he heard bobby say,

"john, you gotta' stop treatin' that boy like a soldier it aint' good for him", he just caught his father say,

"leave it alone bobby, i don't want to start this again, deans fine, leave it at that" .

Sam had already commendeared the bed by the window leaving dean with the wall bed, which he gladly flumped down on, and stretched out across it, letting all his thoughts play around his head, if his dad had said,_ don't start it again,_ does that mean that his dad and uncle bobby had fought about him and sam before? How long would they stay here? Were was his dad going, would it be ill-advised to ask, it was to many questions at once, with answers that wern't easily aqistioned.

"dammit Sammy!" he exclaimed,

"what?" sam answered in a confused voice, thinking he had done something to anger dean,

" i can't believe we've moved again" surprised at deans sudden openness sam climed of his bed and sat down beside his big brother, dean shuffled backwards to make room for him.

"yeah, i know dean, hay atleast we have each other, i mean were both freshman now so we can hang out together again" it was weird, even as sam said the words he realised, there had been an odd switch, 6 hours ago dean had been comforting him,

"yeah, i know, it's just stupid, you know?" dean punched his pillow with a little to much force,

"we'll just do what we always dean, it'll be fine" said sam, laying a comforting hand on his brothers knee,

" i'm fine sam!" dean said briskly,

"you can tell me dean, i don't care if you look tuff or not" brushing of sam's hand dean answered,

"i'm fine sam, just finish unpacking" cursing himself for letting his guard down he chucked his whole bag in the tiny cupboard at the end of his bed and bounded back downstairs, wanting to get away from sam's knowing gaze, he saw right through dean.

His dad was gone,

"where's dad bobby!" dean demanded,

" why, he's gone boy, left not five minutes ago" deans face morphed into a hurt scowl,

"he didn't even say goodbye?" bobby put his arm around deans shoulder,

"come on we'll go make some dinner" dean nodded and allowed himself to be steered through the double doors and into the kitchen.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- damn right, bow hunting is an important skill

After dinner, Dean and Sam played cards with Bobby, until he deemed it bed time, both boys were tired and mentally exhausted, they fell asleep almost instantaneously.

Dean woke hours later, not sure what time it was due to the heavy curtain blocking out the light. Gathering some clothes together he trudged down the hall to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. It had been two days since he had had a shower and the steaming hot water felt excellent against his skin, enclosed in the four glass walls, the thoughts and problems of the previous day fell away, he was left feeling, if not happy, then normal.

Dressed and clean he entered the kitchen, it appeared empty, the old radio on the table was playing "_house of the rising sun"_, seizing the opportunity dean grabbed a beer from the fridge, opened it, and skulled before anyone could stop him, finishing the bottle in 20 seconds flat, he disposed of the evidence, reclined on a seat and propped his feet up on the table.

"I saw that" came Bobby's voice from behind him,

"Crap" muttered Dean "what can I say Bobby I was thirsty" he tried at funny, just for the sake of it, but it came out with more attitude then intended,

"Boy, your 16, if you want a beer, you just ask me, but not at nine o'clock in the morning ya' idjit!" Bobby strode forward and cuffed him on the back of the head,

"Sharpen up!" He pulled out a chair and sat next to Dean,

"Your daddy wants you to do some target shooting and practise your bow hunting, he also said a bit of hand to hand combat wouldn't go astray" Bobby poured out two bowls of cereal and slid one to dean,

"Thanks bobby, and... sorry about the beer," Dean said, digging in hungrily,

"I'll help you with your bow hunting if you're up to it?" Bobby offered,

"that would be great, I really wanna' get it right" Dean and Bobby both looked up as Sam walked in clean and dressed,

" damn right, it's a valuable skill, hella' lot' of things need a good crossbow bolt to the heart" it was obvious that Dean was in avid agreement, but perhaps Sam wasn't,

"Whata' you think, wanna' join in Sammy?" Sam shot dean a 'you've got to be kidding' look ,

"If I bow hunt with you, will you be goalie while a practise my shooting" Dean grimaced at the thought of playing soccer,

"Do I have to?" he said, raising an eyebrow,

"what's the point of playing soccer, that's not gunna' help you when a werewolf is ripping your heart out!" it was a regular argument, Sam's inane desire to be normal; Deans desire to be utterly safe and prepared for everything.

"Whatever" Sam shot back, "those are my conditions, take em' or leave em'" Dean made a few sounds of indignation before he agreed, on protest of course.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5- what would it be like?

Standing in front of a rundown car that now had several pillows fastened to the roof Sam eyed his pillowy target, trying to line things up perfectly, while Bobby yelled orders from the sidelines, careful to stay out of range in case a miss-aimed bolt caught him,

"ENGAGE THE SHUTTER........LINE UP THE HILT..........AIM CAREFULLY..........PULL THE LEVER" he would applaud them when they hit their target and gave them constructive criticism when they missed. After an hour Bobby raised his hand like a referee,

"times up boys, anyways, I'm going hoarse from all the yellin', good work though, it's allot harder when you're target moves, but practise is essential" he patted them both on the back as he moved towards the house, no doubt to prepare lunch.

"You know what time it is?" prompted Sam,

"God damn," Dean said to himself "yeah I know, let's get this over with?" he threw Sam an exasperated look but followed anyway.

Dean leant on an old car while he watched Sam set up makeshift goal posts out of scrap metal, he chuckled to himself, it was an amusing sight. He wondered what it would have been like if his mum hadn't died, if they had stayed in Lawrence, maybe he and Sam would have had actual soccer goals in the back yard; this thought led to a whole bunch of new equally painful ones and he had to shake his head in order to clear them.

"alright" called Sam "their ready" he played with the dirty but still faintly black and white soccer ball between his feet, Dean pushed himself of the car and walked in between the goals and uncrossing his arms,

"Dean! You gotta' actually try" sam insisted, Dean sighed,

"fine" he spread his legs slightly and bent his knees with his arms in front of him ready to jump for it, Sam stepped back and tried to judge by how Dean was standing which way he would be more inclined to lean, randomly guessing right, Sam stepped forward and planted his foot firmly against the ball making fly through the air towards Deans left side, quick as lightening Dean flung himself to the left catching the ball in his gloveless hands and falling to hard ground with a thud.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Sam; he doubted whether he would have even been able to catch that one,

"I got good reflexes" explained Dean as he passed the ball back to Sam who shrugged and lined it up for another shot, this one was a bit harder and took dean a bit more effort to intercept, but he did, leaving Sam slightly speechless,

"Dean seriously, you should join up with me this season, you would rock!" Sam caught the ball as Dean threw it back,

"I wouldn't rock Sammy, I hate soccer, it's for wimps" even so Dean still caught almost every shot Sam made with relative ease,

"Come on dean" Sam said pleadingly "have a go at shooting, I'll goalie, I'm pretty good so I very much doubt you'll get past me" he added challengingly,

"Fine!" he said for the second time today.

He and Sam switched places, looking down at the ball he could almost picture what it would be like, the green grass of their back yard, Sam standing in front of him with a set of actual soccer goals behind him, his mum in the kitchen, her eyes flicking out to them every few minutes, john sitting on the picnic table cheering on his boys. The thought hurt, he had to get rid of it! He kicked the ball as hard as he could not even thinking about aim or precision, pure venting; it soared past Sam and bounced away under a car,

"Crap" Sam cursed dropping down on his hands and knees to retrieve the ball; once he reappeared he threw the ball it back to Dean,

"That was awesome! Dean you have to sign up" he dropped back into goalie stance and waited for the next assault, Dean shook his head and dropped the ball at his feet, the image crept back with a vengeance, with a grunt he kicked, the thought flew with the ball leaving his head free of it. But subconsciously missing it.

"I'm serious Dean" said Sam after he had missed the ball for the sixth time, he passed it back to Dean, but Dean let it fly over his shoulder, he was tiered of the mental struggle he'd been having throughout this whole training session,

"leave it alone Sam, it's not my life, I'm never gunna' be that guy" Dean turned his back on Sam and started walking back to the house, Sam ran to catch up after picking up his ball,

"But Dean, it could be, this doesn't have to be our life and you know it, you could stop now if you wanted" Sam's voice was full of hope and a hint of excitement, Dean spun around and stopped his brother in his tracks,

"I said leave it alone Sam" Dean's voice was threatening, "that could never be my life, we can never get out, so just forget it, this is all there is!" he turned and stormed inside slamming the door behind him leaving Sam outside.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6- god dammit

God dammit, Dean thought to himself, why did he even start playing soccer, he should never have agreed to it in the first place, he should have said no and let Sam practise by himself rather than dredge up all those thoughts that he had been holding down for a long time, it was funny how such a simple thing could do that to him, but at the same time it made sense because his life was so complicated, when he did something simple it reminded him of what he could have had

About an hour after he and Sam had come back inside it had started raining, it was raining so heavily that upstairs it was almost deafening, upstairs is where Dean was, lying on his bed staring at the roof that was stained from years of having a leak, he had been lying there since lunch, when Bobby had told them that he had received a call from their father saying that the hunt was going to take longer than expected, he said maybe a month therefore he had enrolled Sam and Dean in the local school which they were required to attend tomorrow at 8:30, remembering this dean shuddered, god dammit, he thought, a whole school full of new people that would either hat him or like him, a whole bunch of new girls that he could hurt, and the same old face he had to put on to hide what he was, what he did, more secrets, more lies. That should be big fun.

There was a knock at the door; Sam's voice came from the other side,

"Dean Can I come in, I want to talk to you?" Dean sighed, this is just what he needed, for Sam to bring up the same thoughts he was trying so hard to dispel,

"As long as it's not about earlier, sure", Sam's head appeared from behind the door,

"well, it kinda' is" he admitted cautiously,

"then no, you can't talk to me, god dammit!" Dean answered, he knew it was pointless, once Sam got an idea in his head he wouldn't stop till he tried to convince atleast 12 people that he was right,

"But Dean, I know I was getting through to you before "he sat across from Dean, and Dean put his hands behind his head and prepared himself to ignore the hell out of Sam,

"Just hear me out" he urged, "You could have a job, a family" he paused looking at Dean who looked indifferent, "you could have a home" he finished,

"God dammit!" Dean yelled, "get out Sam" he was obviously not indifferent anymore, that had struck a chord,

"Dean just listen-"he was cut off,

"No you listen Sam, that is not for us, we will never have that, our lives are not like that, they never ever will be, you and me..." he gestured to himself and Sam "....you know we can never erase what we've seen, even if wanted, we will never be normal, there will never be a home for us, the sooner you learn that the easier it will be on you!" they were harsh words, he remembered when he had had to learn that same lesson, as a small child his father had said something similar. He must have been five, one year after his mother had died, John had just gotten home from a tough hunt and it hadn't gone as planned, he hadn't gotten there in time to save anyone, they were checking out of the motel that they had been staying at, and like every time they left a place like that Dean asked 'are we going home now' , John had said,' no, we're not going home, there is no home, and there never will be. Dean had given up then, there was no home his dad said so, but it didn't hurt to dream did it?

"But you do want to, don't you" guessed Sam,

"No! There's no point in wanting something you can never have, now get out!" Dean pointed to the door,

"Dean please" Sam begged,

"No! Out! god dammit!" Dean got up and pushed his brother out the door and slid down in front of it to stop him getting in, he needed time to sort his thoughts out, but Sam was right, all Dean wanted was a home, he would never have one, but there was no harm in dreaming.

So that's what he did, as he lay in bed that night he pictured what it would be like to have a house and a family, even though his wife was faceless and his sons looked like younger Sams, it was still a happy thought, and it was what he was thinking as he fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7- god dammit pt. 2

"God dammit" Dean groaned as he pulled himself out of bed, he was woken by Bobby banging incessantly on the door,

"We're up, we're up! Leave it alone bBobby!" he pulled the door open and said again,

"We're up!" Bobby smiled,

"good boy, just had to make sure you know, now shag ass, you got half an hour to get ready and get to school!" Bbobby turned and jogged down the stairs, Dean heard him yell,

"I'll fix breakfast, just hurry the hell up!" Dean chuckled to himself, by the looks of it Sam had been up for hours, his bed was made and his back pack was no where insight, dDean guessed it was probably waiting by the door.

They had made it just in time, Bobby had pulled up in front of the school in his bitser of a car just as the bell had gone, Sam had jumped out as soon as it was stationary and dashed up the steps,

"Wait! God dammit!" Dean called "do you have your-"Sam cut him off,

"yes Dean, I have the butterfly knife, hurry we're gunna' be late" Sam was inside the doors before he'd finished his sentence, Dean bent down so he was level with the passenger side window,

"thanks for the lift Bobby, see ya' at 3:30" Bobby nodded,

"Will do, be good" he gave Dean a threatening look, then took off, fast, and screeched down the road already doing 90.

With a sigh Dean turned and walked up the stairs into the institution like school, the piece of paper that bBobby had given him told him that his home room was room 305, so he walked down the hall looking for it, taking his sweet time, he reached the afore mentioned room and knocked, a small stuffy looking man with glasses answered,

"Yes" he asked, with a noticeable southern drawl, he obviously didn't originate in South Dakota, Dean cleared his throat,

"I'm the new student," comprehension drew on the little man's face,

"ah yes, Dean" he paused for a second searching for the last name, dDean was more than content to let him suffer, "Winchester" he finished, finally, "yes yes, come in," he stepped away from the door allowing dDean to pass, he lead him to the front of the class,

"Class" he announced, "this is our new student Dean Winchester", his class mates stared at him blankly, obviously not that interested,

"Is there anything you'd like to say about yourself?" he asked, Dean chuckled and shook his head, with an evil grin he answered,

"Nope" nobody else got why that was so funny, but if they knew the amount of times he'd been asked that question they would laugh to,

"ok" said his teacher, a tad taken aback," you can take your seat then Mr. Winchester" he pointed to the only free desk in the room, with a sigh Dean walked down the aisle and plonked himself in the saet, it was only then that the teacher noticed his lack of any stationary,

"Mr. Winchester, were are your books" he gestured to the empty desk in front of Dean,

"I don't have any" Dean clarified simply,

"would you mind explaining why" Dean shook his head, he wondered what they would say if he told them that there was no one to buy them for him, and that their dad was in some dark forest right now, fighting for his life, so he didn't have time to buy him any, or that if he had have asked bobby he probably would have ended up with a bag full of Latin books entailing how to expel demons from human bodies and all sorts of other things. But he decided to stick with,

"I'm not going to be here long enough to do any work so there's no point, is there? " he raised his eyebrow and shot the short man a smug smile, realising there wasn't any point arguing with this one he went back to writing on the black board.

That was when Dean felt a cautious tap on his shoulder, he turned in his seat to see, the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on.

She had long flowing red hair, the colour of fire, it hung over her shoulder in shimmering tendrils and ran down to her waist, she played with it absentmindedly, plaiting and un-plaiting one strand, her eyes were wide and innocent, they were the colour of the sea on a stormy day, they were the type of colour that almost gives the illusion of sadness, her lips were full and the same shade as a wild rose, her skin was the palest cream but still seemed warm , it filled Dean with an insane urge to reach out and touch it, she was wearing a v-neck, button up, black, cotton t-shirt that clung tantalisingly to her perfect breasts, giving just the barest hint of cleavage, Dean realised to late that he had been staring at this nameless girl for a while and she looked as though she was starting to doubt his sanity, it was then that he noticed her tiny hand holding out a small slip of paper.

God dammit, he thought to himself as he quickly grabbed the piece of paper and turned back around in his chair, cursing himself for looking like such a tool, he opened it, noticing randomly that it had been folded perfectly, her handwriting was almost as beautiful as her, the letters were small and rounded, not joined, and the i"s had love hearts as dots, it said,

'_What did you mean by "won't be here long enough"'_ she had then left a small gap free then signed her name, '_Madelyn_' it was perfect. Dean flipped it over and wrote on the back with the pen that he kept in his jacket pocket, '_complications' _then passed it back over his shoulder without turning around, god dammit, he felt funny, sort of like he was hungry, but not hunger just a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach, it was weird and he didn't like it.

He waited but she didn't write another note, just the thought of her, her body sitting just inches behind him was almost too much, god dammit, what was up with this chick. It mustn't be her, that was the only conclusion he could come up with, he must be subconsciously worried about something else. It was the longest class he had ever had to live through, and he'd lived through his fair share, when the bell finally rang he rushed out of there, completely wrapped up in his own, very inappropriate thoughts.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8- definitely a witch

Walking down the hall, wrapped up in his thoughts Dean didn't hear her coming until she was right next to him; she waved in front of his face,

"Hello, Dean right, god your deaf!" she laughed, it was light and girly, she scared him, as if she had jumped out from a locker and shouted 'BOO', he had been to of in his own world.

"sorry, I'm Madelyn" she held out her hand for him to shake, this was it, he could touch her, he stretched out his and shook, her hand almost got lost in his, but her skin was silky smooth, the stomach feeling was back,

"Yeah, I'm Dean" he smiled at her, she smiled back, a smile that lit up the day and left him feeling lost and dazed,

"So, Dean, you wanna' sit with me?" she gestured to the cafeteria that they were heading towards,

"Sure" managed Dean,

"Ok" she added, they walked quietly down the length of the hall and into the cramped cafeteria,

"go get us a seat, I have a lunch pass, I'll get a tray with everything and we can share" before he could answer she had whipped away to the line leaving behind only her delicious scent behind, walking as if in a dream he managed to find a small table, fit for two people, as he sat by himself, free of the intoxicating smell of her hair and the nearness of her body he started coming down to earth, what the hell was this girl doing, it was not natural, she has to be a witch, that was it, a witch!

But she didn't look like a witch, she sat across from him, he had noticed as she was walking back over to him, that she looked even better standing, she was curvy and her jeans clung tightly to her legs. She placed the tray in-between them, it had all sorts of food on it, pizza, sandwiches, a few apples, spagettios, a hot dog,

"Whoa, overboard much?" Dean raised an eyebrow,

"yeah, I wasn't sure what you would want, everyone looked at me like I was obese, but oh well" she smiled again, Dean noticed the small dimples that appeared on her cheeks, it seemed that she didn't even know how enticing she was.

All he could do was laugh at her comment,

"So why did you move to Sioux falls?" she picked up an apple and bit into it,

"um, I didn't move here, my brother and I are staying with our uncle for a while" he took a piece of pizza and bit into it, he felt instantly better, more controlled, less blubbering,

"Yeah? I moved here two weeks ago from Salem, believe it or not" she watched him eat with curiosity,

"You're new?" Dean said with a mouthful, Madelyn laughed,

"Why do you think I started talking to you? I don't have any friends yet, I figured you and I were in the same boat?" he looked distracted, "is everything alright?" she added,

"no, yeah, I just sort of promised my brother that I'd look after him today, but I can't see him?" he put down the pizza and sat up strait to get a good look at the cafeteria, Sam definitely wasn't there,

"Do you want me to help you look" she could tell that he was genuinely worried,

"Yeah that would be great", Dean stood leaving the food un-eaten.

They rushed down the halls calling Sam's name, they had almost searched the whole school when they came to the library, at this point puffed and stressed as hell. There sat Sam, face in a book,

"Sonofabitch" Dean yelled as he rushed into the library, drawing many eyes to him, but he didn't care,

"Sam what the hell are you thinking," he ran over to Sam pulling his book away from him ,visually checking him, out of habit, to make sure he was perfectly alright, Sam was shocked,

"Dean what are you doing, this is a library" Sam kept his brother at arm's length,

"Have you been here the whole time?" Dean panted, Sam looked over dean's shoulder at Madelyn,

"Yeah" he whispered, "I figured you were busy, and I didn't wanna' C block you?" Sam looked innocently at Dean, damn that kid, who could stay mad at that,

"Ok, but from now on, please come and tell me what you're doing" Dean shook sam's shoulders, that he was still grasping rather tightly, Sam rolled his eyes,

"Fine, can you let go of me now" he gestured with his eyes to Deans hands,

"Oh, yeah sure" he dropped his arms, cleared his throat and put on his normal voice,

"Stay here until the end of lunch! After school, you meat me out the front, bobby's gunna' pick us up" Sam laughed and shook his head,

"Yes Dean I know, now go away, your embarrassing" Dean frowned at him,

"Shut up, bitch" and before Sam could say anything else Dean had walked out of the library leaving Sam laughing.

It was obvious that Dean really cared about his brother, and that was really heart-warming, but there was something about this guy, Madelyn just couldn't put her finger on it, he made her feel, happy and bubbly, attributes that anyone would tell you that she didn't posses, she deeply hated this school, and she was fairly sure all its occupants felt the same, but she didn't feel that way about dean, she didn't want to ignore him and give him the cold shoulder, like she had with all other attempts at friendship made by students, hell she even started talking to him, she wanted to make him like her, to show him that she could be nice and happy, but obviously he didn't know she hadn't shown these qualities in the past, but she knew, and that's all that mattered.

The rest of the day was slow, Dean didn't have any more classes with Madelyn, so he had nothing to do but doodle on the wooden desk in front of him, finally after what seemed like hours the bell had rung,

"Thank god!" Dean had muttered, and he slid out of his desk and out of the annoyingly stuffy room, into the equally stuffy corridor, students were everywhere, rushing to get out of school like there was a fire, Dean walked casually out the front doors to the bottom of the stairs where he and Sam were to meet, he wasn't there yet, no doubt talking about college level physics with some lame-ass teacher, Dean chuckled to himself,

"What's so funny?" came a voice from behind him, he knew who it was before he even saw her, he turned around with a smile on his face,

"nothin' just thinking, whata' ya' doin', stalking me?" he raised his eyebrow and gave her a sidewards grin,

"No, I just saw you waiting, thought I'd come say hi, I enjoyed your company today" she ran her hand through her hair, pulling it away from her face,

"Yeah me to, hay listen, what are you doing later" he looked at her questioningly,

"How much later" he noticed that she was nervously twisting her fingers,

"Say 10:45, the cinema, I'm pretty sure Halloween: curse of Michael Myers is playing" the way he said it made it sound incredibly appealing,

"I think I could do that, will you come pick me up?" the thought of a whole night out with Dean made her grin from ear to ear,

"Sure, just give me your address" Dean looked up as Sam came dashing down the stairs,

"ok" she ruffled through her bag for a piece of paper, and he handed her his pen, she turned him around by his shoulders and lent the paper on his back as she wrote it down, just then Bobby pulled up, his car growling, sounding very out of place in the parking lot, Dean turned back to face her,

"I'll see you then," then turning his attention to Sam he said" come on Sammy" and practically shoved him into the car,then climbed in beside bobby.

As Bobby drove of Dean smiled back at Madelyn who was still standing there waving at him.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9- screams and dreams

Dean looked down at the slip of paper for the 26th time tonight '_26 acorn grove crescent' _and under was her number just in case '_813-555-9672'_. Sam and Bobby had been picking at him all night, Dean didn't feel like talking, but the feeling from before, the lost and dazed feeling was back. He had been in this house a thousand times, so why did it feel like this was the first time he'd seen it, he couldn't explain his feelings and it was infuriating, he didn't get it!

He decided at 9:30 that he had been waiting for long enough, pulled his jacket on, and told Bobby he was going, Bobby chucked him the keys,

"Be gentle with her" they were the keys to Bobby's beloved '71' charger, Dean looked shocked,

"Bobby are you sure, I mean, you never drive that thing!" Dean looked down at the keys,

"if I'm right, then you like this girl, and I don't want you turning up in my work car" Bobby laughed at his joke, he yelled as Dean was walking out the door, "don't do anything in her that I wouldn't",

Dean smiled secretly, and slid into the driver's seat, the leather was soft and it smelt amazing, pushing the key into the ignition and giving it a turn, he heard her growl below him, this was a thing of beauty. He cruised out of the driveway and onto the open road.

It was 10 by the time he got to Madelyn's house, that was when he realised that she would probably want him to meet her parents,

"Crap" he murmured, and he went to get out, when the passenger side door opened and Madelyn slipped in, Dean jumped,

"shit" his hand was at his pocket about to whip out his knife, "you've gotta be careful, I almost took your head off!" she smiled angelically an he felt instantly better, no more dazed feeling, normalness bordering on happiness,

"sorry, didn't mean to scare you" she was wearing tight black jeans that came up to her mid waist, a brown belt threaded through, she had a loose white top that was tucked in flattering her amazing curves, the blood red cardigan was overlarge hung of her frame, she looked beautiful.

"Where did you come from, I didn't see you" that's not like me, he added to himself,

"I climbed out the window, there's no way my parents would let me out at this time of night, now are we going to sit here till the movie finishes or are we going to go!" she was forceful, and it was damn sexy.

She laughed and whooped as he took off as fast as he could.

Popcorn and drinks had been purchased, tickets bought, they walked into the theatre, it was completely empty, not a soul,

"Huh!" Madelyn exclaimed, "I've never been to the movies when there hasn't been anyone there, this is going to be killer!" Dean laughed,

"Literally, considering the movie we're seeing" he slipped the tickets into his jacket pocket,

"Do like sitting close, or at the back" Dean wasn't sure if she meant there to be a double meaning, but he took it like that,

"Oh, close definitely "he risked it, slipped his arm around her shoulders, and lead her to the second row, they sat in the middle, it took her a second, but she loosened up and snuggled into the crook of his arm smiling to herself. The lights went dim and the previews started, Dean ate his popcorn slowly, so that he wouldn't run out half way through, after 10 minutes of useless adds about breath mints, and the news of movies to come, the lights went out, it was an incredible rush, as soon as he couldn't really see her, he felt the need to touch her more, he settled for leaning more in her direction and lowering himself in his chair so he was at her height.

"I wonder how scary this will be?" she mused out loud,"i'm glad there's no one else in here, I might scream" Dean couldn't tell for sure but she sounded slightly embarrassed at being afraid of a movie,

"oh, I've gotta' see that!" he said enthusiastically, she cleared her throat as though preparing to scream.

She was right though, she did scream, but to Deans disappointment, didn't feel the need to throw herself into his arms, which was a bit of a letdown.

The street was dead, but they didn't want to go home yet, a sign in neon writing advertised _'open 12 hours'_ smiling Dean pulled her to the little cafe, it was dark and secluded, there were several booths, the chairs were made out of red crushed velvet, the light over head was a mock chandelier that had red globes, making the one light source faintly ominous, going with the mood Madelyn ordered a slice of mud cake and dean ordered a black coffee for each of them. The booth they sat in was small and intimate, the waitress that brought them their order was definitely of the gothic persuasion, her hair was black and limp, the lipstick covering her lips was dark, dark purple, she had a bull ring through her nose and was wearing a black and purple corset dress with sky high Goth boots, she suited her surroundings perfectly,

"This is probably a vampire cafe" Madelyn stated, "we're probably on the menu, we'll probably be eaten" she sounded dead serious,

"Nah, nothing would touch while I'm around" he leaned his leg against hers under the table, and watched her upper body stiffen at the contact then relax again,

"And why's that Mr. Winchester" she said, mimicking their home room teacher,

"Because they wouldn't get close enough, they'd be dead as soon as they looked at you wrong" it surprised her that he sounded serious, not a hint of flippancy,

"Oh" was all she could say, she'd never had anyone who wanted to protect her like that before. The cake that she picked at with her tiny fork was rich and sweet, it had a strawberry on top covered with a dollop of cream, she lifted it to her mouth and sucked the cream of before biting of the strawberry part and placing the stem on the edge of her plate, dean was staring at her transfixed, she noticed and smiled shyly.

Once coffee's were finished and cake's were eaten they paid and walked back into the street, Dean not able to stand it anymore stopped her with a gentle arm, she turned to face him, almost a head shorter than him, he put a finger under her chin and lifted her face upwards before leaning in and pressing his lips firmly against hers, she could feel his hot breath on her face and stepped forwards so her body was pressed against his, the butterflies in her stomach we're getting violent and literally trying to break free, he tasted of coffee and something else, whiskey maybe. The street light above them flickered and went out on its cycle then came back on pale and orange but they didn't notice, they must have stood there for 15 minutes when they weren't kissing, rejoicing in being so close to one another.

Dean drove her home, still breathless, she leant over and kissed him goodbye,

"goodnight Dean," she said quietly, "I'll see you tomorrow" he nodded and watch her slip out of the car and climb up the downpipe into a window on the second storey, once he was sure she was safe he took of back to Bobby's, driving way faster then he should have been, but he couldn't contain the euphoria.

His room was dark, Sam was already asleep, Dean got undressed and fell into his unmade bed, he closed his eyes, the faceless wife in his dream was no longer faceless, when he dreamt of his family and his sons that looked like little Sam's his wife was now Madelyn, and he smiled as he fell into a peaceful sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10- popping the question

The next week past in a blur, the people, the classes, nothing mattered except her, Dean knew it was moving way too fast for it to be safe for either of them, but how the hell was he supposed to stop now!

The highlight of each day was when she would run up to him in the corridor, reckless and wild, kissing him in full view of everyone, and he loved it, he had no issue whatsoever, he wanted people to know that she was his and to stay away, no more sneaking around in broom closets for this Dean Winchester, no sir.

It was after school on Thursday when the idea first occurred to him, it was a big idea, and not something to be taken lightly. Needing to be alone with his thoughts Dean walked through the aisles of cars till he found the tallest pile and climbed right to the very top. He could see all the way across town, he tried to pick out the tiny splodge that was Madelyn's house, he chuckled to himself, but anyway, back to the huge idea, it was crazy and he wasn't even sure that it could be done, but he would love for Sam and bobby to meet her, in fact he was pretty sure that it was mandatory to his happiness. Deciding it was what had to be done he climbed back down the lofty pile of cars and jogged back to the house, he burst in the door,

"Bobby!" he yelled,

"What?" came Bobby's voice from the drawing room, Dean jogged towards the sound?

"Whoa boy, where's the fire" Bobby looked up from the book he was studying,

"Bobby, we gotta' talk" Dean was jittery and he had to calm himself down,

"alright, I'll bite, whatta' ya' wanna' talk about?" he sat up in the chair giving Dean his attention,

"It's about Madelyn" Dean sat on the threadbare couch next to Bobby,

"the girl I lent you the charger for?" it was funny that that was the only thing he could remember of that evening, not that Dean had been out for hours with nameless faceless girl, but that Dean had been out for hours in Bobby's car,

"yeah, well I wanted know if you thought it would be ok if she came over for dinner tomorrow night?" Bobby looked shocked, with a hint of amusement playing across his face,

"For dinner?" he said it like it was a joke,

"Yes Bobby, for dinner" Dean looked incredulous at his lack of seriousness,

"Boy look around you, do you really think this is the appropriate place to bring a girl?" Dean laughed, so that was his only problem,

"I'll keep her out of here, we'll stay in the kitchen, we'll cook dinner for you?" at this Bobby snorted,

"You're going to cook, what has gotten into kid!" he stood up and walked to the door,

"Sam! Get your ass down here!" after a second Sam's footfalls could be heard he appeared a moment later,

"Yeah uncle Bobby?" Sam was obviously confused at why he was being called down,

"Your brother wants to have a girl over for dinner, whatta' you think" Sam threw back his head and laughed, Dean had had enough,

"I'm taking it as a yes, have everything clean by the time I get home tomorrow Bobby, cos' she'll be with me!" he jumped up and stormed out.

The car trip to school was unusually quiet; Dean looked over at Sam,

"Everything alright Sammy?" Sam nodded,

"so I get to actually meet her tonight huh?" Dean was confused, what was he on about,

"Hay Dean, what's she like?" Dean smiled at the thought of Madelyn,

"ohhhh Sammy, she's uh...." he struggled for words,

"it's hard to explain, I guess it's one of those you gotta' actually go through it to get it" he looked over at his brother, who though taller than him looked younger by far,

"I will one day," Sam insisted, "one day, I'm gunna' meet the greatest girl ever, nothing in the world will take her me away from me, you just wait," he sounded so sure of himself, Dean couldn't help but smile.

He pulled up into the car park, she was standing on the curb waiting, as per usual, the harsh autumn wind blew her hair around her, she looked more beautiful than ever, she rushed over to him as he got out of the car,

"Good morning, love" she said softly as she stood on her tip-toes to kiss him, he let his hands settle on her waist,

"I'm glad you're here, I wanna' ask you something?" she pulled back to look in his eyes,

"Hit me" Dean watched Sam enter the school then turned his attention back to Madelyn,

"do you wanna' come to my uncles for dinner tonight, you know meet the family and all that?" she look surprised but blissfully happy, her face lit up and she smiled ear to ear,

"Yes, yes of course, I can't wait, so I'll come home with you after school?" Dean couldn't help but smile along with her,

"Yeah, sounds like a plan, but it looks like we'll be cooking" smooth Dean, smooth, he commented himself,

"I'll cook something special for you and pie for desert?" Dean grimaced, "what!" she exclaimed,

"I don't like pie?" he admitted,

"You don't like pie! Oh my god, we will have to fix that!" he raised an eyebrow, she could try but he doubted it would work, he had hated pie since he was little, but even still this school day couldn't end fast enough.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11- after dinner mints

Dean noticed Madelyn looking around her as they drove through the junk yard towards bobby's house, Sam was sitting in the back with Madelyn riding shot gun and dean behind the wheel, he didn't mean to but he felt a bit embarrassed of his surroundings,

"I know, it's a salvage yard" it was obvious in his voice that he was worried about getting a rebuff,

"Yeah I noticed, I was just scanning off parts, my dad's doing up and old lemans" dean smiled to himself, that's what he liked. They pulled up at the house, dean knew it looked old and dirty, compared to Madelyn's house that was dainty and painted a crisp white, it even had window boxes, dean turned off the car and climbed out, he rushed to the other side to open Madelyn's door for her, he caught Sam stifling a laugh as he got out of the car, and he cuffed him on the back of the head as he went to walk up the stairs, he noticed Madelyn smiling at this brotherly exchange. Holding her hand securely in hers he walked up the stairs and into the house. It looked amazing, it was clean and tidy, not a book in sight, dean also noticed the drawing room doors firmly closed, bobby appeared from the kitchen, a warm small painted across his face,

"Madelyn, I feel like I already know you, I'm bobby, dean's uncle of sorts," he held of his hand for her to shake, confidently she took it and shook.

"Ok, this has been lovely; we have to go put our stuff away" dean stated awkwardly before guiding Madelyn up the stairs to his and sam's room,

"Wait, you share a room with you brother!" she bit her lip like she was holding back laughter,

"We're only staying here for a month remember!" at that she went silent, all laughter ripped from her face,

"Oh yeah, I forgot" dean could tell she was upset now; he needed to think about things before he said them!

"but hay, let's just enjoy the time we have!" and he stepped forward and kissed her, holding his arm around her waist so she couldn't refuse, after a brief but passionate kiss Madelyn rested her head against deans chest, dean chucked his bag on the bed so he could wrap both arms around her,

"You ok?" he looked down at her, she nodded,

"We should probably go down to the kitchen, start heating stuff up?" she laughed at his statement,

"Dean you confuse reality with porn" suddenly dean noticed Sam standing in the doorway, due to the fact that he had started laughing hysterically,

"He does!" he managed through tears, "oh! I'm going to use that one!" Madelyn couldn't help but laugh at sam's red tear stained face,

"Shut up!" dean shot his brother an evil look and walked out of the room.

The radio on the table was softly playing on a special on Robert Johnson, Madelyn surprised dean by knowing some of the words,

"You like the blues?" she looked up from the chopping board where she was cutting up potato,

"Um, yeah I guess, my mum's a big fan, she used to this to me" she gestured to the radio that was playing _'malted milk'_, dean chuckled,

"How's that funny" dean shook his head,

"nothin', it's just that while your mum was singing you music that people have classed ' the music of the devil" he used a sarcastic voice, "my mum was telling me that angels were watching over me, so obviously you're a devil and I'm an angel!" Madelyn raised her eyebrows and tried to fight back a smile,

"oh is that so?" she brandished the knife as dean waltzed over to her, he took hold of the knife hand and held it uselessly by her side, he pushed her against the bench behind her, and kissed her, she couldn't refuse the sweet taste of his lips or the almost unbearable feeling in the pit of her stomach,

"Dean "she whispered "we have to get this in the oven",

"yeah, your right" he turned her around so she was facing the bench then wrapped his arms around her from behind and moved her hair out of the way so he could gently kiss her neck, it relaxed her, she went back to her work until they had an even amount of pumpkin and potato and she piled them into the large roasting dish they had managed to locate, the rest of the ingredients they had had to go into town for, considering it seemed bobby had nothing but mince bread and eggs.

After a few hours of cooking the roast was ready, it had filled the house with a delicious scent that hadn't been smelt in this house for years bobby and Sam followed their noses into the kitchen within minutes of each other, both with excuses of 'just getting a drink' and both were just in time to see the meal being dished up onto four plates, they took it upon themselves to sit at the table and patiently await their meal since they were already here. The roast was delicious, they all said so, and dean insisted that it had been all Madelyn and that he had been naught but a hindrance to the process, which she, of course, denied. After clearing their plates Madelyn served them all apple pie which she had made, Sam and bobby were practically drooling as the watch the cream pour over it, but dean looked slightly apprehensive, he looked down at the bowl that had been placed in front of him, picking up his spoon he scooped a mouthful size onto it and placed it in his mouth, he almost gasped, this was the best pie ever, what was this weed pie, it was amazing,

"oh my god!" he mumbled with a mouthful, Madelyn looked up to see whether it was disgust or pleasure, it was definitely pleasure, she mentally high-fived herself, he liked it, dean ate out the rest of the meal in silence, but played absentmindedly with Madelyn's leg under the table, just as a way to keep touching her. She went to wash the plates but bobby refused, he told her that she was a guest and that she shouldn't have even had had to cook, but since she did and it was so lovely, it was all he could do to clean up, thanking him for the compliment she followed dean upstairs.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12- confessions

"So you liked the pie?" Madelyn said as she sat on deans bed and pushed herself against the wall,

"Are you kidding me? It was awesome!" dean sat next to her,

"Mmm, I've tasted better" and she took hold of his collar and kissed him,

"that was kinda' corny" he whispered, he felt her shrug, so kept kissing her, he rolled her onto her back so he was lying in between her legs, she froze for a second then loosened, like she was working through each stage as she went, a scary thought hit dean and he had to ask,

"are you a virgin?" he pulled back to look in her face, she looked bemused,

"Well yeah? I thought you knew?" dean completely freaked out, he sat up and moved away from her,

"What's wrong with that!" she demanded,

"nothing, nothing, I just don't want you to lose your virginity, on a crappy bed in my uncles house, and then have me leave in a week or so, it would be different if you weren't , but you are, and I, I don't want to do that to you" she looked disappointed and sighed,

"That's okay, I'll just keep hoping that you change your mind" dean laughed,

"If it helps, I've never wanted anyone like I want you" Madelyn pulled him back to her so that she could lean against him,

"It doesn't, but it will do, wait your leaving in a week! I thought you weren't leaving for another two?" crap, dean thought to himself, that wasn't supposed to come out,

"Oh yeah, um, change of plans, dad's going to be home early" her lip quivered and she bit it,

"Dean, I don't want you to leave!" she said it quietly, but dean heard,

"I know, look I don't want to leave either, but I've gotta' do what dad says" even as he said it he knew how ridiculous that sounded,

"Why? Why do you have to do what your dad says, dean, I want you here with me?" dean hated this conversation already,

"I to be with you to, but it can't happen" she scowled,

"That's only because you don't want it to happen, nothing is impossible, you don't have to go into the family business, and you could stay here with me! We could graduate, and get a home together and....." she trailed of suggestively, at the mention of home dean looked down at his crossed legs,

"I wish I could-"she cut him off,

"Stop saying that, you either want to or you don't want to!" she stood up, her fists clenched by her sides,

"of course I want to, look, the last few weeks have been the best weeks of my life, when I'm with you I feel normal, which is very rare for me, and I wish more than anything that I could stay with you, and give you everything that you ever wanted, because your all that I want" and he stood to putting his hands on her shoulders,

"Then stay, please stay, I don't care how, just stay here!" dean shook his head,

"How, where would I stay" Madelyn could sense him caving,

"Here? Ask your uncle if you could live with him" dean frowned; it actually wasn't a bad idea,

"I.......I'll ask" she smiled widely, and lent against him letting his arms wrap around her,

"Thankyou" dean didn't really hear her, he was terrified.

He had slept restlessly that night, since Madelyn had left he couldn't concentrate, he didn't feel right, all he wanted to do was to get her back with him, his whole body screamed for it, positively ached to be near her again, he had gone to bed to try and block it out with sleep, but hadn't been able to sleep, only think again and again, about what it would be like if he stayed, he resolved to talk to bobby in the morning, when he woke he found Sam already awake but still in bed,

"Hay Sammy, can I talk to you about something, I need you to tell me if I'm being completely crazy" Sam sat up,

"Shoot" dean sighed, preparing himself to spill,

"Ok, so Madelyn wants me to move in with bobby and stay her, for good" Sam's eyes widened,

"Dean! That's a great idea, we both could, that would leave dad free to hunt, and we could have a place to stay, all the time, no more moving around! And we wouldn't have to hunt with him, we wouldn't have to hunt" Sam was over- excited and hopeful, dean could see the plans forming in his head,

"Come on, we have to go ask uncle bobby" Sam threw of the blankets and got up,

"Hold on a freaking second Sam! Think about it, dad's gunna' be of by himself, he'll be so mad at us, I don't even know if he'll let us!" Sam scowled at his brother,

"Dean, dad will let us stay with bobby, he'll see sense, he will" dean shook his head, and ran his fingers through his hair,

"fine" Sam's face lit up again," come on!", dean trudged down after his brother, he got to the drawing room just in time to Sam finishing of the plan, dean entered through the double doors, bobby looked up,

"I expect this plan is of your devising, dean?" dean nodded guiltily, "alright, Sam go upstairs and get dressed, I wanna' talk to your brother," dean gave Sam an '_oh shit_' look, he just knew that bobby was going to tell him the same thing he was thinking, it was stupid, it would never work, but dean had to try.

Once Sam was gone bobby gestured for dean to sit,

"Thank god, boy" dean was confused,

"What?" he raised an eyebrow at bobby not sure what he was talking about?

"It's about time, the amount of times I have literally begged your daddy to let you boys come live with me, he always said no! I don't know if you remember this but I met your dad a year after your mother died, and he was a wreck, I told him he should adopt you out, you were both young enough, but he wouldn't hear of it, I offered to look after you then, he refused. 4 years went by before I saw him next, by that time he wasn't acting like the john I remembered, I told him that the way you and Sam were being brought up wasn't healthy, I offered again to take you, he said no, but started leaving you with me whenever he could"

"Yeah, I remember that, but I don't get it, why are you thanking me" bobby laughed,

"because, ya' idjit, if you ask your dad there's no way he'll say no, if that's what you really wont, there's no way he could" dean finally understood,

"You know bobby, I think you might be right there, but that doesn't make me feel any better about it" bobby smiled dotingly,

"There was no way you were ever going to feel good about it".


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13- too soon

Sunday passed un-eventfully, but slowly, dean was too excited for school the next day, something he had never been before, it was strange and unnatural.

Bobby drove them to school on Monday, the car was quiet, like everyone was holding their breath, waiting for john to get back, and to have a definite answer before they started celebrating, but dean, bless his soul, had made one small change on the hopeful side, he had found some blank books and a few pens to bring to school, he figured that if he was going to graduate here, he'd have to actually graduate.

When dean told Madelyn that he was going to stay no matter what, she almost cried, dean had to hold her tightly in the middle of the corridor to prevent tears, they were in-separable, dean even opted out of riding home with bobby and Sam so he could walk her home, meaning that he'd have to walk for a good hour to get back to bobby's, he didn't care. It was the happiest time he'd ever known, so close to normal, hunting seemed so distant, another life, or maybe a story he'd read somewhere that had nothing to do with him, and he liked it like that, he'd never really known what he was missing, but now that he did how the hell could he ever go back, he couldn't, he wouldn't. Sam would have a home and a school, a future; dean would have everything he'd ever wanted, who would turn that down, a chance for him and his brother to finally be happy.

The whole walk back to bobby's he thought about what Madelyn had said the other night, about hoping dean would change his mind about the sex thing, if he was staying, there was no reason not to? They could do it right, autumn leaves scattered around his feet, the colour reminded him of her hair, everything around him was her, she was all he could see, all his thoughts had something to do with her, he couldn't remember what he used to think about when she wasn't around. He jogged through the junk yard, wanting to get into the kitchen and fix his hunger issue, he burst through the door and into the kitchen, running right into john, he stumbled backwards a few paces before straightening up,

"dad?" dean was shocked, "what are you doing back so early" recovering himself dean turned to the cupboards, bobby and Sam were sitting at the table, it looked as though there had been a conversation in progress before he entered, two guesses what it was, his father ignored the question,

"Dean Can I talk to you?" he gestured out of the door; dean nodded, and followed him out.

"John led him into the drawing room, he stood facing the fire, the room was dark and dean could basically only see his silhouette,

"bobby told me that you and Sam want to live here, he said it was your idea" he turned around, "what do you have to say?" dean had almost forgotten what is dad was like, he had an uncontrollable desire to do whatever he said,

"Um," dean paused, "yes, we want to stay with uncle bobby" john sighed and shook his head wearily,

"Ok, if that's what you want, I'm not going to stop you, but I do want to ask you one last favour?" dean lightened up, he'd agreed, he could stay with Madelyn forever,

"Yes sir, anything!" john nodded,

"I need help on one last hunt, I just want to make sure that if I'm leaving you, you can take care of yourself, and of Sam, and also, even if you're not hunting, I want you to keep training, always be prepared dean, for anything" john put a hand on deans shoulder and looked down at his eldest son,

"I always knew this would happen, I just wanted to be able to protect you for as long as I could" dean looked confused,

"You can still protect us dad?" john shook his head, "you are coming back aren't you, you're not just going to leave me and Sam here and not come back!" his voice was getting louder and louder,

"I don't see how I can-"dean cut him off,

"Well, you drive the friggin' car here and check in every once in a while, let us know your still alive!" john frowned but didn't have the energy it took to argue,

"we're hunting a werewolf, few towns over, it seems to be sticking to a particular nature reserve, it's attacking anything that moves so I'm assuming it's a new born, we'll go out tomorrow night" that signalled the end of the conversation,

"Yes sir" dean answered.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14-one last hunt

Dean was quiet at school that day, on a few occasions Madelyn asked if it was something she'd done, the day before he'd seemed so happy, bright and hopeful, now he was dark, he didn't say more than five words all day, if it weren't for how he'd kissed her at the end of the day she would have thought that he was mad at her and didn't want to stay after all.

But dean was just tangled up in his own thoughts, mentally preparing himself for the night that would follow, he hadn't been training all week, he was unprepared in almost every way, but his dad would never had suggested to take him along if he was worried that he would get hurt, he only had to survive tonight and then he was done for good, he could stay with Madelyn forever, he only had to survive tonight.

Upon entering the house he saw his dad loading up, weapons strewn across the table, being sharpened or clean, Sam was sitting in the one empty seat reading a book that dean Identified as lord of the rings, he cuffed Sam on the back of the head,

"dude, come and shoot some targets with me", Sam knew dean well enough to know that what he was really saying was, _'I haven't practiced in ages, please come with me so dad doesn't know'_, Sam nodded and followed dean out the front door and around the back of the house to the place they had set up for target shooting a week earlier, the same pillows were attached to the top of the car, just slightly more weathered and discolored, dean sighed and picked up the crossbow, he knelt down slightly to get a better aim, pulled the lever and the bolt flung loose, hitting the pillow in what would have been the heart, he smiled to himself in satisfaction, he hadn't lost it, he walked forward the few feet to pull the bolt from the pillow and reloaded the crossbow,

"Do I have to practice as well" whined Sam,

"Nah, I just needed to make it look like we did this all the time" Sam laughed,

"Oh, you so succeeded" dean lined up the hilt, and smiled to himself, he pulled the trigger and made another perfect shot,

"Hay, with my skill anyone would think I spent my whole day doing this" Sam shook his head at his brothers self praise; dean could be so up himself sometimes.

The rest of the day was spent practicing until dean was convinced that he was perfectly on game, Sam was forced to sit and watch, to keep with dean's story, he sat and read his book until it was dark and they were called in for dinner.

They sat silently around the table, it looked like john and bobby had had another argument, they weren't looking or talking to each other, Sam had tried to start up small talk but it hadn't worked, he'd get an abrupt answer in return that would signal the end of the brief conversation. Bobby had ordered in two large pizzas, which was a lot smaller than their usual order, dean didn't mind, he didn't feel very hungry at all, his whole life was dependant on this night, this hunt, so similar to others, and at the same time, vastly different, he had been spending the whole week unconsciously letting his old life drift away from him, it had felt like naught but a mad memory, Madelyn was all that mattered, and then his dad had showed up and brought it all back, it was like being woken by having a bucket of ice cold water thrown on you, not pleasant at all. But dean could handle, survive tonight and that was it, no more hunting, no more moving from place to place, Sam will have a life, he would have a home, it all rested on tonight.

Two hours later dean and john were sitting in the impala, dean was staring at a road map and john was driving,

"just keep going east along 54, we should be there in half an hour", dean ran his finger along the tiny thread that was the road they were driving on, memorizing the back roads they would have to take to get to brown otters nature reserve, it was only a few towns over so it would take them hardly anytime at all. He slipped the map down beside his chair in case he needed it again.

The whole trip john hardly said two words, he established what they were going to do, john would go in first and dean would bring up the rear, he would have the crossbow and john would have the gun, both with silver ammo. The dirt car park crunched under the tires and john shut of the car, dean hadn't needed to recheck the map at all, he was very proud that he could memories a forty-five minute drive of the top of his head, john even commented on how good he was, it left dean glowing with pride. They trudged through the dark forest weapons in hand, cocked and ready to shoot; dean had his eyes peeled for any sound in the dense foliage. Obviously john had caught something that dean hadn't he put a hand back to stop his son walking,

"listen…" he prompted, dean blocked out the sound of he and his father's breathing and listened as hard as he could, he picked up a faint rustling in the trees, as he focused in on it he could hear the steady rhythm of deep animalistic breathing, it was incredible that john had noticed that in between their footfalls and breathing. The forest that surrounded them was bereft of any other animal life, not even crickets. John gestured to the east with one hand, and they moved silently forward, taking more care then before, not putting their feet on any loose sticks, and not uttering a word. Suddenly there were heavy footfalls coming towards them,

"it knows we're here!" yelled john, "get ready!" he held up his gun in front of him aiming it at the noise coming towards them, dean held up the crossbow, remembering his training from earlier, all the things that bobby had told him. He was thinking for a second to long, the werewolf burst through the trees and knocked john aside, it leapt on dean, he couldn't pull the lever fast enough and it was knocked from his hand,

"dean!" john cried as he leapt up from where he had been flung against a tree, the werewolf tore relentlessly at deans chest, he screamed in agony and tried desperately to get it off, john fired one shot but was scared to hit dean so he aimed for the shoulder, the force knocked the thing backwards, and it took off into the trees


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15- the one that got away

"Dean!" john yelled, and he ran forward, crouching down next to his son's body,

"Dean, you still with me?" dean moaned in reply and opened his eyes to look up at his father,

"Ok, ok, just stay awake" dean grumbled and shook his head,

"Well I'm not going to go to sleep am I!" john laughed,

"you've lost some blood, just hold on till I get you back to bobby's and I'll check you out, can you walk?" he looked down at him, dean put one hand on the ground behind him, and pushed himself a couple of inches into the air, only to fall back down, as he hit the ground he let out a cry of pain like a wounded dog. John could tell it was serious, especially if dean's stubbornness couldn't even get him of the ground; he slid his arms under his son, who was almost as big as him, lifted him up easily, and started jogging back through the forest. Even though dean had scoffed at the thought of sleeping, his eyes kept drooping as more and more blood seeped from the deep wounds in his chest, john pushed himself harder, running full pelt through the trees, leaping over stumps and rocks, until finally he reached the car, dean was placed carefully in the back and john rushed to the driver's side and took of post haste.

Dean could feel the world spinning and blurring, it was like lying upside down and letting all the blood rush to your head before quickly standing and trying to spin in circles, or holding your breath under water, until you thought your lungs would explode then jumping out of the water, he felt sick, like he might vomit, and his whole body was shaking, vaguely he could hear his father talking to him, encouraging words about, _'almost there'_ and '_stick with son'_, dean clung to those phrases, trying to focus on stationary objects, but that just made him feel sick, because the stationary objects kept moving.

After the fifteen minute drive back home, dean could feel himself being carried; johns face was floating around his vision, john banged on the door,

"bobby!" he yelled, "open the hell up", john couldn't maneuver dean so he could open the door, so he had to stand there and wait, the sound of pounding feet could be heard approaching, the door swung open and there stood bobby, he had clearly fallen asleep, but still in his clothes, so he had probably fallen asleep waiting for them to come home, as soon as he clasped eyes on dean he realized the need to be speedy, he ripped the door open wide enough for john to fit through, and raced into the kitchen, swiping all the items of the kitchen table. John lay dean down carefully,

"What happened!" demanded bobby,

"It got the upper hand, dean copped the brunt of it" john cut deans top open, the damage was severe, but not life threatening, if they fixed him up in time. Bobby was running through the house, gathering everything that they might need, Sam stumbled down stairs and into a now blood soaked kitchen,

"Dad!" he shrieked, john looked up,

"Sam, get back into bed!" Sam took a step forward, he could see dean lying on the table, see the blood, it looked a lot worse than it was, but Sam didn't know that,

"But dad!" john gave him a firm look,

"Get into bed Sam! I'll come up and talk to you later" Sam turned reluctantly and walked away, at that same moment bobby appeared, laden with various first aid products, he filled a bucket with water, and rinsed a cloth in it. Dean winced as john started cleaning his wounds, the stupid thing had left four deep slices in dean's chest that would definitely need stitches, and john turned to bobby,

"We don't have any local anesthetic do we?" he already doubted it, you could tell by the tone of his voice, bobby shook his head,

"Great, ok grab me the whiskey" bobby raised his eyebrows but followed johns instructions, john handed dean the bottle,

"Dean" he looked over him to make sure he was still awake, dean grunted in response,

"I want you to drink as much of this as you can while I clean the wound" dean looked confused,

"Why?" john re-rinsed the cloth and prepared to keep cleaning,

"Because you need stitches and we don't have any anesthetic" without a word dean skulled as much of the bottle as he could in one hit, john went back to cleaning.

Two hours later dean was patched up, he had a large bandage wrapped around his chest, and a wooziness in his stomach that was half from the pain and half from the whole bottle he had drunk in the space of half an hour, john had helped him upstairs to find a very frightened Sam sitting cross-legged on the bed waiting for them, dean lay down and john sat on the end of deans bed,

"whata' we do dad?" dean asked, without really specifying what he was talking about,

"Whata' yah' mean?" dean rolled his eyes,

"About the sonofabitch that ripped my chest open, werewolf remember" john smiled at his eldest son, taking a beating but still wanting to stop the bad guy,

"I'll find it, don't you worry, I've still got two nights of full moon left",

"Do you mean I don't have to go?" deans eyes flashed to Sam in a, '_have I just dodged a bullet'_ way,

"no way, I'm not letting you go out there like that boy, your gunna' stay here with uncle bobby" a thought just occurred to dean,

"Can I go to school tomorrow?" john scoffed,

"whata' you think, of course to can't" dean's face fell, he needed to see Madelyn, especially after he'd been hurt, he felt compelled to do to her, and have her dote over him, comfort him, then another thought hit, he'd have to lie to her about where he got it, lying to Madelyn was not a good thing, maybe a few days of wouldn't hurt, he could get better and she'd never have to know. That settles it, he thought to himself, he'd call her tomorrow, tell her he wasn't well, which he wasn't, and that he wouldn't be at school for a few days, that way he didn't have to lie, and she wouldn't think that he'd left her and get upset. John left the room, leaving the two brothers alone,

"How are you feeling?" prompted Sam, dean raised his eyebrows,

"Just awesome" Sam nodded knowingly,

"hay, at least we're out now, no more hunting, ever" that was a comforting thought, he'd done his time, he was out of jail, and he was never going back.


	16. Chapter 16

**a/n:** bludge chapter I know, had writers block for a tic but I think I'm back on track, only 3 or four chapters left!

Chapter 16- rest and relaxation

The next day dean found that he was to sore to even move, he lay on his bed all day listening to led zeppelin on his walkman, Sam doted on him all day, sitting with him, getting him food when he wanted it, dean would never admit it but liked spending time like this with Sam, it was nice to have someone look after him for once. At four he got Sam to go and get the phone and bring it up to him, he dialed Madelyn's number and waited, hoping that she would pick up and not her mother or father, fate was on his side, he recognized her sweet voice instantly,

"Hello, Madelyn Carver?" dean sighed, it was heaven,

"Hay maddie, its dean" he could practically feel her mood lighten,

"Dean! Where were you today, I was worried"

"Sorry I was sick, I'll be back at school in a few days, you think you can last that long" she laughed,

"Uh definitely not, can't I come over?" no no no! Dean thought to himself,

"nah, I don't want you to get sick to", dammit' he'd lied already, "but I'll see you in a few days though"

"I'll call you everyday till then" she promised, dean smiled, that sounded great.

They talked for hours until bobby demanded that it was going to cost him an arm and a leg, reluctantly dean hung up. Great now he had nothing to do, this rest and relaxation thing was starting to get on his nerves.

At dinner time he made himself get up, he didn't care how much it hurt, he needed to move, john looked up as he walked down the stairs, still pale but looking better then yesterday,

"Dean what are you doing up, I was going to bring you some" john asked sternly,

"Dad, I'm going stir crazy, please don't send me back" he begged pathetically,

"fine" said john, and gestured for dean to sit, bobby put plates that held burgers and chips in front of them, dean thanked god, he knew he had smelt burgers, the taste of the food was like heaven, he hadn't eaten all day and his stomach had been aching from lack of food,

"You going out again tonight dad?" john didn't answer, but he nodded, and dean knew that he probably wouldn't sleep well tonight.

But as it turns out he was worrying for nothing, their dad was home when dean woke up, and told them in disgust that he hadn't been able to find it or pick up the trail, but he did say that dean looked surprisingly well and that he would probably be able to start at school again in a day or two, and deans mood was substantially lightened. All day dean waited for the clock to reach four, for it to be time for him to call Madelyn, it was a painful boring wait, but finally it arrived, he rushed down stairs and almost pulled the phone of the wall, he punched in her number and waited desperately for her to answer, it seemed that maybe she had been waiting to, almost instantly she picked up,

"Hello?" she sounded breathless,

"Madelyn?" dean inquired,

"Dean" it came out in a sigh,

"hay" he paused as he listened to her breath, "how was your day?", she was silent for a minute, it had been weird being at school without dean, back to being by herself, back to being un-happy, she couldn't wait for him to be back,

"It was okay, better when your there though"

Yeah, I miss you too" he answered her unsaid words, "look I've been thinking about what you said the other day, about hoping I would change my mind, about the virginity thing….."

"Yeah?" she waited with bated breath,

"Well I think I have, will you meet me tonight" he could feel the apprehension and desire already stirring in his stomach,

"Of course, when, where?"

"Uh, I'll come get you, but probably late, 11, maybe?" he figured if he went out after his dad left bobby wouldn't try and stop him,

"I'll be waiting", dean knew that they wouldn't be able to talk to each other normally now, not with the anticipation for later hanging over their heads,

"Ok, well I'll see you then"

"Ok" she paused, "dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you" dean was taken aback,

"I love you too" but he knew he meant it.


	17. Chapter 17

**a/n:** really helps if you listen to the song for the smoochy part, paradise by the dashboard light- meatloaf! It's awesome, and it totally works.

Chapter 17- we're gunna' go all the way tonight

Dean ate sparingly at dinner, picking absentmindedly at his the rolling stones song '_ruby Tuesday'_ running through his head '_dying all the time, lose your dreams and you will lose your mind in life unkind, goodbye ruby Tuesday, who could hang a name on you, when you change with every new day, still I'm gunna' miss you' _he hummed a few lines out loud by accident, only to be looked at by the other occupants of the table with curiosity that bordered on sympathy, Sam knew that dean was going slightly crazy being cooped up so long and kept away from his "precious" Madelyn, as Sam started clearing the dishes, dean offered to help, Sam turned on him his face worried,

"Are you okay dean?" dean raised his eyebrows,

"What sort of questions that; I just got ripped apart by a friggin' werewolf!" Sam laughed; he had totally missed the point of the question,

"That's not what I meant, I meant, why are you offering to help me?" now dean looked confused,

"Why not, I'm allowed to help aren't I?"

"Yes, but you don't?"

"Well I am now, so deal with it" he took the plates from Sam's hand and carried them to the sink, he paused,

"Uh, Okay so maybe I'm sucking up....." he turned back to face Sam,

"Why?"

"well, I'm going out tonight, I need you to cover for me, if I'm not back by tomorrow morning, and dad asks just say I went for a walk cos' I was going crazy or somethin'" Sam scoffed,

"you're going out to meet Madelyn right" dean ignored him and jogged out of the kitchen and upstairs, truth is he didn't want to think about it yet, it was all to good that he was worried of jinxing it, he grabbed some nice clothes that wouldn't be a pain to get out of, and carried them to the bath room, he wanted to look his best, and smell his best, so he showered, and washed thoroughly. Climbed out and wrapped a towel around himself, he wiped a patch of steam away from the mirror so he could shave, a splash of after shave, some deodorant, a tiny bit of product that he rubbed roughly into his hair, making it look messy yet somehow still structured and effortless, once dressed he assessed himself in the mirror, not bad for someone who is still wounded he thought to himself, he had been wondering how he was going to get around that, but then it hit him, he lived in the middle of a junk yard, he could easily have hurt himself on anything out there. Bobby had one TV in the house so dean claimed in, he still had hours before he had to leave and nothing at all to do, Sam drifted in, sat down and inquired into what dean was watching, he didn't actually know what he was watching, it was just on, filling space, turned out, it was rage, telling them that gangsters paradise by coolio was number one, dean scoffed,

"Dude, this song sucks ass!" he looked at Sam with a what are they thinking look on his face, Sam shrugged,

"I dunno' it's not that bad" dean looked furious, "if you like that sort of stuff" he added hastily" deans face softened and he nodded,

"That's right, and we don't! Ever!" he said putting emphasis on '_ever' _"I mean, Sammy, you gotta' admit, sometimes you do have some pretty crap taste in music" dean chuckled as he remembered the time he caught Sam listening to celine Dion, that was funny! Sam brushed it off and turned back to the TV, leaving dean with no conversation, and nothing to take his mind of 11 o'clock drifting ever closer, his nerves were kicking in, tonight was the night, at that thought the meatloaf song, '_paradise by the dashboard light'_ popped into his head, he almost laughed out loud at the thought, '_ruby Tuesday' _was gone and the more clichéd afore mentioned meatloaf song was in, and it wouldn't stop, the worst thing was that he couldn't even skip any parts because he knew it off by heart.

11 finally arrived, his father was long gone and bobby was in bed, dean pulled on his jacket and creeped downstairs, snaking bobby's keys from the kitchen he jogged into the cold night and into bobby's beautiful car. His stomach was doing back flips, he had had the heater on the hole way to make it nice and warm for her, he had found a blanket which he had chucked in the back just in case, and the song was still spinning round his head, he quietly sung a line or two while he drove to try and dispel the tension, '_and I never had a girl looking any better then you did..'_ he stopped but the words continued in his mind. He pulled up in front of her house, his eyes on her window, he would see her come out this time, it creaked open, and her tiny figure slipped out and down the drain pipe, the ridiculous girl was wearing a dress, he saw her feet, and cowboy boots, she looked hot, wild and beautiful, den knew he had made the right choice.

She looked across at him,

"Where are we going" he turned and smiled at her,

"To the lake" he raised his eyebrows in mock seduction,

"You're taking me parking?" she giggled almost nervously, he took her hand,

"I couldn't think of anywhere else, I didn't think you'd want to rent a pay by the hour motel room, and we can't go to my place", dean looked nervous, like maybe he had made the wrong call in wanting to take her out there, he figured it would be nice, they could stay out there for as long as they liked and it would be just them.

"That's not what I meant" she said, squeezing his hand reassuringly,

"I just meant I've never been parking before?" dean smiled,

"it'll be perfect, you just wait" he looked back and the road, the headlights making a tunnel of light, he had the same line going through his head again and again '_we're gunna' go all the way tonight, we're gunna' go all way tonight tonight'. _He pulled up in front of the lake, the full moon making the water glisten, he turned the engine of and instantly the air was prickling with tension, the reason being they both knew why they were here, and where this was going to finish, they just had to pluck up the courage to get. Kissing, that was no problem, dean thought to himself, they'd kissed all the time, so he leaned forwards, the leather beneath him squeaked as leather often does, with one hand on her cheek he kissed her, a nice virgin kiss at first, his twisted mind playing the radio commentary from that damned song,

'_Ok, here we go, we got a real pressure cooker going here, two down, nobody on, no score ,bottom of the ninth, there's the wind-up and there it is, a line shot up the middle, look at him go. This boy can really fly! He's rounding first and really turning it on now, he's not letting up at all,'_

dean slid his tongue into her mouth, she responded hungrily with a tiny moan, he pushed himself closer to her, he reached across her fumbling for the latch that would release the one joint chair that took up the front of the car, he found it and the chair fell back with a thud, daringly he manoeuvred himself so he was lying on top of her between her legs, he broke the kiss for a second staring into her eyes,

"ain't no doubt about it" he accidently said out loud, she took no notice, but pulled his mouth to hers, he finished the line in his head '_we we're doubly blessed, cos' we were barely 17 and we were barely dressed'_ the yanked his jacket of, making sure he didn't break the kiss,

'_He's gonna try for second; the ball is bobbled out in centre, and here comes the throw, and what a throw! He's gonna slide in head first, here he comes, he's out! No, wait, safe--safe at second base, this kid really makes things happen out there.'_

Dean gently slid his cold hands along the straps of her dress, working them down to her elbows, he couldn't go any further without her help, understanding what he wanted she pulled them the rest of the way of, revealing a white bra that was thin and simple, nothing fancy, no padding or lace, dean pushed himself back into the kiss, his hands groping blindly at her breasts, she shivered beneath him, he kept forgetting that she'd never done this before, he had to slow down, he pulled away,

"Just tell me if you want me to stop" she shook her head and mouthed no! He nodded and kissed her again, his hands once again finding her breasts,

'_Batter steps up to the plate, here's the pitch, he's going, and what a jump he's got, he's trying for third, here's the throw, it's in the dirt, safe at third! Holy cow, stolen base!'_

He released one hand and slid it around her back to find the zip on her flimsy dress, he slid it down, and stopped kissing her so he could watch her face as he took her dress of, he had to make sure she was alright with everything that he was doing, her stomach was flat and smooth, the dress slipped over her hips revealing matching white panties, dean felt himself tighten like he couldn't believe under the restrictive denim of his jeans, he pulled it the rest of the way of and it fell to the floor in a small pile of material, she reached for his hands and pulled him back up, letting them go she pulled his top over his head, noticing the bandage, she looked at him questioningly, he shook his head and lay back across her, she gasped as she felt his erection against her thigh, she couldn't believe it, it was like the biggest confirmation, he wanted her, she was wanted, she kissed him, he unclipped her bra, and pulled it off from under him, so he couldn't see her yet, and he could ease her into the idea. The kissing paused and moaned at the feeling of deans skin against her tender nipples, but he was relentless, he kissed from her mouth slowly down her chin and neck to her chest, were he gently teased her perfect pink nipples, her scent filled his nostrils, it was so much more intoxicating at close contact then it was just being near her, he slid his hand down along her stomach towards her panties, he looked up at her, a cheeky grin on his face, that made her smile in anticipation, this was the next step, third base, it was so much more then she'd ever done, but she was ready, it felt natural, his rough hand slipped below the band of her panties, he kissed her naval as he started gently teasing her with his index finger, a moan escaped her lips, not that her breathing itself didn't sound like moaning right now, but this was different, louder and laced with pure pleasure, dean looked up at the sound his eyes wide, she squirmed beneath him, almost guiding his finger with her body, lifting her pelvis to increase the pressure, this girl was driving him crazy, he looked up at her, she wanted more and he could tell, he slid his finger further downward, and looked up at her to make sure she knew what he was doing, she paused then nodded, he slid one inside her, this was what he had been waiting for, he couldn't help but smiling, the feeling was amazing, there was nothing like it, she gasped, he looked up,

"Did I hurt you?" he sounded worried,

"No no, oh god no, don't stop!" she said urgently, heading her warning he persisted.

His hand was getting cramps, but he didn't care, he was determined, no stopping until he had given her the pleasure she so desperately wanted, it took almost 20 minutes but it was worth it, she cried out and sat up pulling herself away from his fingers and grabbed hold of him as her whole body shook in uncontrollable pleasure, after the feeling had died down she was just sitting panting exhausted, and her body was coursing with a felling that she wanted to hold onto, even though it was rapidly slipping away. Dean lifted her chin and kissed her, her arms found his neck and it was back on, with her help dean manoeuvred himself beneath her, he knew from experience that on top was easier for virgins, she could find her own way, and all dean would have to do is watch and enjoy, with a smile she undid his jeans and worked them of, the release from the tight denim was a relief, dean sighed and then gasped she wasn't stopping at jeans, she was now taking of his boxers,

'_He's taking a pretty big lead out there, almost daring him to try and pick him off. The pitcher glance over, winds up, and it's bunted, bunted down the third base line, the suicide squeeze in on! Here he comes, squeeze play, it's gonna be close, here's the throw, there's the play at the plate, holy cow, I think he's gonna make it!'_

But unlike the song, they didn't stop there, in fact they didn't stop unlike well into the night.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18- wolfs bane

It was about 3 in the morning, Madelyn lay in deans arms, her breathing only just slowing, her chest rose and fell heavily, and she had her eyes closed in exhaustion, dean was sweating, and he now regretted the decision to turn the heater on, the windows had fogged and the air was full of moisture, he looked down at her, her hair sitting in a delicious mess,

"hey, maddie, you wanna' get some air" she lifted her head so she could see him properly,

"yeah, it's gotta' be a hundred degrees in here" she lifted herself from his body and fished around on the floor that was strewn with various items of clothing for her dress, locating she pulled it over her head and kicked open the door letting the cold night air drift in, dean sighed in relief as it washed over his flushed body. As he pulled on his jeans he watched her step out of the car and onto the damp grass, the moonlight reflected against her skin, and a slight breeze snagged at her hair, he emerged behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, she was all his, truly his, there was nothing better than this feeling.

Madelyn felt his arms come around her and she leant back into his chest, the cold breeze tickled her skin, she closed her eyes, although they had been lying there for almost 15 minutes before dean suggested air, she could still feel herself throbbing, like being in the ocean all day and then getting out, you can still feel the waves, dean was the waves. She felt his body stiffen unexpectedly behind her,

"What's wrong" she whispered,

'shhh" he replied urgently, while they had been standing silent, just on a whim dean had decided to practice his listening, in an effort to do at least one thing that his dad wanted, while he was honing his ears to the empty night he picked up on a sound, a dull thud like someone running, as it moved closer he could hear it breathing, that was not the breath of a human, pushing Madelyn down he leapt for his dagger, which was inconveniently lying uselessly in the glove box, he couldn't make it in time, it propelled itself across the roof of the car landing nimbly on its feet in front of dean and Madelyn, unable to do anything more dean pushed Madelyn behind him, who had frozen in terror. It was definitely the same one as last time, male, late 20's brown hair, animal eyes and razor sharp claws, claws that had just recently relentlessly ripped his chest to pieces. It's eyes followed deans movement as he secured Madelyn behind him, it cocked it's head like it was intrigued, a minute passed, the fatal staring match wore on, until dean reached braking point, he lunged forward, ready to knock this sucker one, and was about to scream 'RUN', when something hard collided with him, he was thrown backwards, his head hitting the car with a stomach turning thud, as the world drifted in to blackness dean heard Madelyn's ear splitting scream.

When he regained consciousness she was gone, along with the werewolf, as he was scrambling up and into the car he dimly picked up on the fact that there was no blood, which was at least something. After retrieving his wretched useless knife he did a quick scope of the area, there was nothing, not a twig out of place, what did this sucker fly! Giving up he leapt back into the car, kicked it into life and tore out of there like a bat out of hell, his thoughts we're barely coherent, even to himself, the only thing he knew to do was to get back to dad, dad would make it better, he always did.

Dean sprinted to the house, bashed open the door and screamed at the top of his lungs,

"DAAADDDD!!!" in an instant the house was in motion, the first to make it down the stairs was Sam,

"Dean what's going on" he demanded,

"I… have… to… see… dad…" dean panted, next down was the man of the day, closely followed by bobby,

"dean, what's wrong' john asked in his stern comforting voice,

'it's got her, it's got her!" dean said, before he remembered that his dad didn't know about Madelyn, but Sam did, and quickly started filling in john, while bobby, noticing the blood running down deans face grabbed a cloth and wet it, the room was a flurry, and dean was dizzy, but one thing he did know is that they weren't leaving, and that was a problem,

"Dad, we need to get out there, we need to save her" john looked down at dean,

"How did this happen" dean looked frustrated,

'we were at the lake, it came from behind, I couldn't get to the knife, it knocked me out, and took her" john shook his head,

"the friggin' thing must have picked up your scent, you're a stupid boy dean, don't you see, by being with this girl, you out her in danger, you have gotten her-' dean cut him off,

"She's not dead, there wasn't any blood, we have to go!" with n angry look at his older son john nodded,

"Fine, I got all the stuff I need in the trunk, let's go" they were half way through the door when Sam cried,

'Wait, I wanna' come to" john sighed, but without speaking he guestured for his youngest son to follow them out to the car.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19- the beginning

It was only after 15 minutes of driving that dean actually realized that he was still topless, with no shoes or socks, john noticed his son taking note of these facts and gripped his shoulder,

'I have clothes in the back son, don't worry" he then twisted in the seat for a second so that he could see Sam, curled up in the back seat,

"Sam!" he yelled to wake him up, Sam jumped, knocking his head on the window, he rubbed it as he answered,

"Yeah?" he said sheepishly,

"grab your brother a t-shirt will you, and I think I've gotta' pair of boots back there too, try under the seat" good ol' dad, prepared for anything,

"thanks dad" dean said as Sam handed him the warm clothes, warm because they had been pressed against the heater, john nodded and looked back to the road that would take them to brown otters nature reserve, this was the last night that the filthy thing would be allowed to breath.

They tore into the gravel park-a-way, Sam woke up in the back,

"look Sam, me and you're brother need you to stay here, you know the drill, if we're not back by first light call uncle bobby, and have the first aid kit handy, lock all the doors, keep your gun in your hand the whole time!" Sam rolled his eyes,

"I know dad" he said in exasperation,

"Good, just make sure that you remember it!" He and dean jumped out of the car, pulling their guns from their pants and moved quietly into the trees,

"dad, I gotta' ask somethin', how come it didn't kill me and Madelyn on the spot?" even his whisper seemed loud, but john answered,

"I killed it's son, he'd turned it to, I was about to take it out as well when it took a sharp right and I lost it, my feelin' is that this sucker is smart, that it's luring you and me to it for revenge or whatever, so there's a huge possibility that Madelyn's okay" a wave of calm washed over dean, his dad knew exactly what was going on, he was on top of it all, and Madelyn was going to be fine, he nodded, but kept his mouth shut, he knew that silence was crucial at this point.

They ventured deeper and deeper into the forest, straining their ears for any sign of the werewolf, after about an hour of walking they heard it, a tiny rustle in the trees, picking it up they changed directions immediately, and ran full pelt towards the sound, they entered a clearing, on one side was Madelyn, fastened to a tree with what looked like rope, he looked at his dad, john nodded, signaling that dean could go to her, without looking at anything else he raced across the clearing to her side, his hands fell immediately to undoing the knots that were holding her. The movement woke her, she looked up,

"Dean?" she blinked trying to make out his shape,

'yeah, yeah it's me, be quiet, I'm gunna' get you out of here, don't worry", oblivious to the sound of john and the werewolf going head to head, dean pulled Madelyn into his arms, holding her like a child, and started running back through the forest, to where he knew the car was. The dark tress flew passed him as he ripped through the foliage, every instinct told him to get somewhere safe, somewhere defendable. Finally the trail head came into sight, just beyond that lay the car, he reached it panting, his lungs felt like they were on fire, the precious burden in his arms was becoming heavier, Sam opened the door hurriedly letting dean sit Madelyn on the backseat,

"are you hurt", were the first words that came out of his mouth, they sounded strangled, he could vaguely hear Sam demanding to know where dad was, but that wasn't top priority he had to know if she was okay, he watched her nod, but her face was contorted with pain,

"Tell me, tell me how I can help" he shook her gently,

"my head, when it knocked me out, it hit my head" dean nodded, that was good he had something to fix, he grabbed the first aid kit from Sam, opened it and pulled out gauze, bandages and antiseptic. He put them down beside him, and pulled Madelyn's hair away from her face, and began the routine check from injury that knew like the back of his hand, his hand moved but his mind was somewhere else, he knew what he had to do, but it would kill him. He found the lump on the back of her head, cleaned and dressed it. The car door opened and john climbed in, he was scratched up, but not too bad, he looked in the rear-view , dean was cradling Madelyn in his arms, Sam was leaning against his brothers shoulder, they all looked scared, but they were all okay,

"Dean, I want you to come and help me, I need to burn it" dean nodded, leant Madelyn against Sam and climbed out.

Dean watched the fire slowly eat away at the body; the heat was washing over his body, bringing life back into his bones. As he watched he realized, this was it, this was all he would ever be, there was point kidding himself anymore, he was a hunter, he couldn't have a life or a girlfriend, he would only get them hurt, his childish desires fell away, it was the beginning of something new, and he wouldn't fight it, he couldn't.

John drove dean and Madelyn to her house, he watched from inside the car as his son told possibly the only women he would ever love that he was leaving and not coming back, he watched her tears, watched her cling to his jacket to try and stop him leaving, he watched dean hold her until her tears ceased, watched her mouth make the words '_come back to me, I'll wait'_, watched dean shake his head and step away, he saw the great physical effort it took, he was so proud of dean, and at the same time he felt like something had died inside him, maybe it was just the projection of deans feelings in him, but he diverted his eyes as dean entered the car. His eyes were dry but pain radiated from him, he murmured,

"step on it dad", for once Sam was silent in the back, he wouldn't begin the onslaught on dean just yet, but he still couldn't believe that dean could just leave Madelyn like that, he twisted in his seat as they drove away to get a final glimpse of her, she had crumpled against the tree, obviously dissolved into tears again, all Sam could think was that if he ever had a girlfriend like that, he would never leave her side, no for any reason, especially not something as stupid as hunting.

Dean couldn't bring himself to look back at her; he knew what he would see, her final words rung in his head as they drove down the empty street, the sun rising on his right.

'_Come back to me, I'll wait'._


	20. Chapter 20

**September 30****th**** 2005**

Dean raced into town, he knew he would only get this opportunity to be free, dad had enlisted him to go check out this hoodoo thing down in New Orleans, there was no harm in making a quick stop in South Dakota. I mean she had said that she would wait, and it hadn't been long, but now he thought about it, it had been a while,

"shit, it's been ten years" he said out loud, doubt crept in, what if she had left, what if she was married, he tried to convince himself that if the latter was true he would be happy for her. But even so he had to know for sure. He slid to a stop in front of her house, there were no visible changes, he climbed out of the car and made his way to the door, his heart was hammering as he knocked, a lady answered the door, she wasn't anyone he knew,

"Uhh, is Madelyn here?" She looked at him oddly,

"I'm sorry but no one by that name lives here" dean heart dropped she was gone, there was no way he could find her now, he told the lady he was sorry to have bothered her and went back to his car. The main street was quiet, he looked up and down for the small gothic café they had sat in together and found that it had been replaced with a patisserie. Oh well it was just as good, he entered and ordered a slice of apple pie, a cute waitress brought it to him, any other circumstance she would have been on her back in no time, but he wasn't in the mood for conquest. He scooped some pie onto a spoon and placed it in his mouth and closed his eyes, it had the effect he desired, for a moment he could almost see her, back dropped against bobby's kitchen, smiling as he told how good the pie was, he opened his eyes and was brought back to earth all that was left was the lingering ghost of a fragrance, what he remembered her to smell like. At least he could still remember her, with some help, but oh well, maybe it was better this way, if he had have seen her, he may not have been able to keep going, there was no point in purposely hurting himself, he and dad had gotten into a nice routine, it was stable, dean was finally starting to feel like his life was back in order, he didn't want to muck it up again.

On the second of November after dean had been in new for a month he received a voice message from his dad telling him that something big was coming and they were all in danger, that was the last he heard of him in over a year, a year that would change all their lives, a year that would pick them up, chew them and spit them out, then leave them to pick up the pieces, a year that sparked the beginning of the end.


End file.
